Thursday, October 16, 2014

I Am Not the Doula For Everyone

At the beginning of our doula-in-training journeys, I think we all want to be the world's doula. We say yes to every potential client who comes our way -
"Yes! I WILL be your doula!"
- No matter who she is. We want those experiences so badly! And we know or recognize everything that we will come to know and recognize.

I am grateful when I interview with someone who asks me numerous questions that are only going to lead her to be disappointed in what I say, and she does not hire me.

I am grateful when I interview with someone who says they want an intervention-free birth and a doula because their friends did it or they saw it on TV, but don't really know what a doula is and just do everything their doctor says, doesn't hire me.

I would be grateful to not be hired by the woman who wants a cesarean section for convenience (though, thankfully, I've never encountered this), or a woman who has no interest in breastfeeding, or something else I believe in.

I am getting better at recognizing a doula client who will not be a good match for me. Luckily, I've had to say "I don't think I'm the right doula for you," only once. Sometimes I say I am unavailable (often true) and refer her to other doulas. Sometimes the client simply hires someone else (I assume)...

When a woman who I would like to hire me doesn't hire me for any number of reasons -
  • I'm too young and don't remind her of her mother 
  • I have not birthed a child of my own
  • Because I don't do aromatherapy/TENS/etc. 
She is grateful that she has not hired a doula that is not right for her. 

And I recognize that it is OK, because I do not want to be hired by a client that is not right for me, and am grateful. It comes from both sides...

I am not the doula for everyone.

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