“Every day past 40 weeks, a baby dies more and more” – Family Practitioner on why they needed to schedule a mom’s induction at 39 weeks and 6 days.
(the length of a pregnancy can be anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks. an estimated date of delivery is ESTIMATED. talk about needless freaking-out)
“Did she put any spells on you yet?” – -L&D nurse to mom, referencing her doula, who was in attendance.
(oooh I'm going to work my doula withcraft on you to make you think you're having a wonderful birth but really it will be terrible!)
“Cesareans are the safest route of delivery for a mother.” – OB to father who was advocating for VBAC at admission during his partner’s active labor.
“You’re a NICU nurse, so you will be able to handle it.” -OB to mother whose 34 week fetus had a nonstress test that suggested a immediate cesarean might be a possibility. Mother expressed concern about the baby possibly needing to come early.
(um what?! what mother will ever be able to 'handle it' NICU nurse or not?! cruel!)
“Oh my God, the patient escaped!” -L&D nurse upon entering the room and not immediately seeing the patient, who was in the bathroom laboring in the shower.
(I loled at that one)
“YOU won’t be able to do it naturally! You’ll be BEGGING for an epidural!” -OB to mother expressing a desire for a non-medicated birth.
(heard this one a lot)
“Contractions can’t possibly last more than 45 seconds.” – OB to mother who has having double peaked contractions lasting 90-120 seconds as observed on the monitor.
(are you sure you are a trained OB?)
“You know what we call people with birth plans? Cesarean Sections!” -OB to mother during prenatal when asked to discuss birth plans.
“Well I haven’t seen a woman give birth in 8 years without one”. -Nurse Practitioner to mother who wanted it noted in her chart during her prenatal visit that she did not want an episiotomy.
“You should wear a bra as long as you nurse, even while you sleep. Too many nice pairs of breasts have been ruined by breastfeeding.” -OB at a prenatal to 18 year old mother pregnant with her first child.
‘It is illegal for us to leave a baby unwashed…he could rot, I have seen it happen.” -L&D Nurse to a mother who’s cesarean was delayed over her refusal to consent to a newborn bath prior to establishing breastfeeding.
(ew ew ew ew ew that is SO not possible)
and here's a nice one:
“Don’t let them bully you.” – OB on the morning following a cesarean warning me about the hospital nurses and staff who would likely try to get me to use formula because my newborn would lose weight before my milk came in. He explained that it is normal and safe for a newborn to lose a certain percentage of their birth weight and that it was no indication for formula feeding.